10-10-10 by Welch Suzy & Welch Jack

Author:Welch, Suzy & Welch, Jack [Welch, Suzy]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Scribner
Published: 2009-03-31T16:00:00+00:00

NOT JUST GUT, GUT, GUT

Shortly after I started to research this book, a friend sent me an email. “I just Googled your idea,” she wrote, “and I’m assuming you know about all the life coaches out there using 10-10-10.”

In fact, I had no idea. Every 10-10-10 user I’d met up until that point was a person like me, deploying the process individually, or, in a few cases, with the help of a friend or partner.

But since that time, I have come to learn that 10-10-10 has become part of the toolkit for many people in the helping professions—teachers, nurses, therapists, and psychologists. Anne Jolles, a family counselor in Massachusetts, for instance, uses 10-10-10 to help parents who are having trouble letting go of their children as they grow up and seek independence. Meadow DeVor, an online life coach, uses 10-10-10 with clients who are struggling in their marriages and with work-life balance issues. And remember Heidi, the teacher who used 10-10-10 to muster the courage to try online dating? She also put 10-10-10 to use in her classroom, asking her senior students to select one big decision in their lives and conduct a retrospective 10-10-10 analysis, laying out what they might have done differently had they methodically thought about repercussions.

“You almost never see kids learn,” Heidi told me of the experience. “But those papers were the best, most profound pieces of writing I got all year. Nearly every kid—and these were tough kids—had their eyes opened by the process. They saw the consequences of their actions, and in some cases, realized they’d made a mistake.”

Kimberly Smith-Martinez, a psychologist in San Antonio who just entered private practice, frequently used 10-10-10 in her previous work as a counselor in the juvenile justice system. The teenagers in Kim’s care were typically in the throes of crisis, and many were on the verge of dropping out of society altogether. To help them sort through the potential outcomes of their choices, Kim took the 10-10-10 process and made it graphic. Sitting with each young client, she drew a 3-by-2 grid. Above each column, she wrote: Ten days, ten months, and ten years. Along the side, she labeled one row “Pros” and the other “Cons,” and then she and her client worked through the current conflict, cataloging its consequences.

The day I talked to Kim, she had just conducted the process with a pregnant teenager who was trying to decide whether to stay with her disapproving but stable family or move in with her loving but erratic boyfriend, a drug user. Using 10-10-10, the young woman ultimately chose to stay at home, reasoning that her family would provide an environment that would allow her to return to school after her baby was born. She would miss the company of her boyfriend, but in the end she decided that she valued the possibility of independence more.

“Realistically, I don’t know what will happen to this young woman,” Kim told me, noting that most of her clients had at least one family member who had died or was incarcerated.

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